Can't catch a break

I just can't seem to catch a fucking break!! A family friend of 13 years shot himself on Super Bowl Sunday that makes 4 people in 4 years. I'm stuck at a dead end job with no idea when or if I am going to be able to go back to school. My car is fucked. The transmission won't get in gear so it is now a useless hunk of junk that I wasted $1,000 on no clue when I can get that fixed I want an iPad but that's not going to happen anytime soon I put that off to get the hunk of junk I want to move out of this extended stay hotel thing but can't save the money to do it. So I am on the verge of a mental/emotional breakdown right now.

Chipin!

HELP!

This is a link to help me pay for my college tuition because my father doesn't seem to want me to be able finish right away! I want to finish so that my fiance and I can get married because I made my dad a promise that i would finish college first and even if he wants to be an ass i am going to keep that promise. Please donate as much as you can
http://helpbree.chipin.com/animal-behavioral-college-tuition

Fake Smile

Fake Smile

Fake a smile for the crowd
Of people that surround
You
They can't see through it.
They never can, don't
Expect them to.

Think happy thoughts
Try to forget
The thoughts of
Death
That plague you mind
in your darkest moments

That smile, those thoughts
Just proof of your acting
But everyone believes
That you are
Okay
"You'll be okay"
Is what they say

But they have no idea.
What you think
How you Feel
They haven't felt it
You fake your smile
For everyone around to see
They'll never know your
Pain
Never know
You

Give me the Strength to Carry On

Head spinning
heart racing
tears falling
what to do
sadness fill my heart
i thought he loved me
he told me so
he showed me so
where did i go wrong
my heart is torn
shatter
ripped apart
i just want to die
want to put an end to this
maybe he will mourn
maybe he will laugh
"stupid girl"
maybe thats what he will think
maybe thats what he will say
how could i have been so stupid
how could i have been so blind
he wants trust but doesn't do anyting to earn it
i have been ever faithful
ever forgiving
i have my faults
and my times of depression
but somedays he isnt much better
what to do
what to do
i'm at a loss but not for words
i channel my words
my thoughts
into this poem in hopes i can find the strength to forvigive him again
hopefully for this for the last time
hopefully he can accept me and all my fault
maybe,hopefully
Selene,Nyx
give me the strength to carry on

Rant(possible pre break up rant)/Demi Lovato Skyscraper

To my fiance I hope we can work out our issues but if not than this song along with many others will help me through and when you can grow up and accept me and learn I'm not perfect I have issues such as when I lost my job I got depressed and didnt want to do anything neither did you when you were unemployed the only reason you did is because you didnt want to hear your mother bitch at you!


Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching tear drops in my hands
Only silence, as it's ending
Like we never had a chance

Do you have to make me feel like
There's nothing left of me?

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears, I awaken
And untangle you from me
Would it make you, feel better
To watch me while I bleed?

All my windows still are broken
But I'm standing on my feet

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

Go run, run, run
I'm gonna stay right here, watch you disappear
Yeah oh
Go run, run, run
Yeah, it's a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Oh Oh
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

(Like a skyscraper) huh huh huh

Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

help me pay bills!